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Barry Subchimp Profile
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Dr. Sanchez
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Re: Will the real Garth Marenghi please stand up?


If you notice the order his books are writen in, he milks every tiny idea in his head no matter how bad.

For instance, in the same year he wrote three horror books based in made up places in the Highlands of Scotland - all books are unrelated.

Obviously he just remembered it's the last wilderness in Britain, and therefore spookier than the rest of the land. It's easy to see where Scotch mist came from.


LovelyChicken, where did you find Cannibals?


Also, my colleagues and I have been hard at work on our own cliched horror extracts after reading some of Guy N Smith's quotes. I'll see if I can dig any up. Someone challenged me to write Satan's Tortoise.
23/Mar/2007, 10:55 am Link to this post [Send PM to Barry Subchimp]
 
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Dr. Sanchez
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Satan's Tortoise




The opening chapter of Satan's Tortoise


IT crawled across the ground like an inevitably bad and slow thing. It's scaly, demonic feet padding across the dark forrest floor towards the two teenagers who were making their Ford Escort rock about a bit, having just had a passable feed at Pizza Hut on Milton road. They had a student discount on.

But little did the waiting staff - who had brought them their shared Hawaian deluxe in a relatively quick time considering how busy it was - know, that the young couple would never be seen again. Except by some pidgeons which were parked near the car.

Sensing the immiment arrival of evil, probably due to the smell, the pidgeons fled in terror, as the tortoise closed in for the kill. Now, after its painstaking approach, which began three hours ago at dusk, it was within a hundred and fifty yards of the swaying car (that's 137 metres in EU money).

As a maniacal grin formed on it's evil toothless face, the tortoise grew nearer and nearer, and within a few minutes it was only 147 yards away. No tortoise had ever moved so fast in history. But then. It. Was. No. Ordinary. Tortoise. It was from Hell.

Within hours, the plodding beast reached the car, and little did the fumbling teens know that they were about to get butchered like hogs in a can. Closing in for the kill, half an hour's horrifying walk brought the shelled demon to within five yards of its unsuspecting prey. After another lap of the car it's evil and leathery feet sprung into action as it pounced with an alarming anf terrifying ferocity. Then it killed them.

ENDS


My mate is threatening to write Skvøwk!: The viking budgie terror

And then there's the Synopsis I wrote for the back cover of another thriller yet to be penned:

Jack Ace, hotshot maverick cop with an alcohol problem, and Rotary Club renegade, is on the case of a killer. The girls, cut from front-bum to belly button in a series of grisly murders, keep turning up dead in the back streets of Humbie, East Lothian, Scotlandshire. There is a killer who is doing it. Jack is on his case. Trying to catch him.
Still reeling from his four divorces in February, and a deadly virus which struck down his ninja master's sacred rabbits, Ace must now find the mutant killer (and catch him, and hopefully put him in jail) who has a razor-sharp knife blade for a c*ck in:

CHOPPER!




Checked by Barry Subchimp, 24/Mar/2007, 10:26 am
23/Mar/2007, 11:02 am Link to this post [Send PM to Barry Subchimp]
 
LovelyChicken Profile
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Thornton Reed
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Re: Satan's Tortoise


I bought Cannibals at a second hand book store ages before I had even seen Garth Marenghi. I just loved the front cover. I would have paid less than $1 for it (50p hahaha)

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It's been sitting on my desk for months.

][sign in to see URL] has most titles for sale second hand plus pictures of the covers.


Checked by LovelyChicken, 23/Mar/2007, 11:45 pm


---
This cold night will turn us all to fools and madmen - King Lear, p46
23/Mar/2007, 11:31 pm Link to this post [Send PM to LovelyChicken] [MSN]
 


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